By Lisa Berman All parents want what is best for their children. We want to instill in them the ability to make sounds choices and grow into happy and productive adults. Dan Kindlon, PH.D author of Too much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age says that children build self-esteem by overcoming obstacles. When parents shelter their children they deny them the opportunity to make mistakes and to learn and grow from experience. Children will make important decisions for themselves, whether we prepare them, or not. For our children to become the adults we envision, we need to allow them the opportunities in youth to learn about life and how to make decisions that are best for them or in their interest, not ours. This decision making opportunity comes at a very young age. Mac Bledsoe, author of Parenting with Dignity believes that by the time a child is 9 years old they should be making 50% of their own decisions. This means that a 3 year old child should be given some decision making opportunities such as a choice in what to eat for snack, or in what to wear, but not when to go to bed. The idea is that by the age of 9 our mortgage with our children is half paid. By the time they are 18 years old we want them to be able to make smart decisions for themselves, as our mortgage with them should be paid in full. The home is one place we can let go of some controls. For example we can increase our childs independence and ability to handle responsibility by having our children do chores. There are numerous benefits to the routine of chores. There are times that education, guidance, or supervision is required but it is also important to let them figure some stuff out for themselves. Allowing children to determine how they will get their tasks done provides an opportunity for problem solving while allowing them to take an active role in the care and upkeep of their immediate community, their home. It is important for parents to resist the urge to redo their childs work efforts. When we redo something, we need to think about the disempowering message sent to the person who has just spent their time and energy on a task. Is that the message we want to give? Today children are SO busy with activities and homework that we often find it easier to let them off the hook with their chores. Our rationalization is that they can get their homework done sooner so they can actually have some free time to play. As important as down time is, it does a disservice to our children when we let these things slide. Responsibilities in the home provide an opportunity for developing self-discipline and learning problem solving skills, while contributing to the care of the home. Simple chore charts are great reminders for what needs to be done and decreases our need to remind, or nag as they would say. Asking what needs to be done rather than reminding them what needs to be done allows children to think about things and places the responsibility for tasks back on them. Creating an environment where our children can safely practice sound decision making will prepare them for making wise choices in the future. Lisa Berman, MA Lisa Berman is founder of Lighthouse Family Coaching, LLC. She has a masters degree in counseling and psychotherapy and has worked with children and families for over 12 years. To learn more about her services or to sign up for her free monthly newsletter visit her site at www.Lighthousefamilycoaching.com. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Berman http://EzineArticles.com/?Chores-as-a-Childhood-Learning-Tool&id=304506 phentermine on line pharmacy
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